JESUS CHRIST! shouted April and the teacher said, very good, and April fell back to sleep. See ya!. Johnny thinks hard and the says to the teacher, "I remember it I am the ninth letter.One day, Little Johnny told his parents that he was ready to live alone.They were very proud of him and supportive, until Johnny said, Great, I left your luggage next to the front door. Little Johnny says: Mom, you know that lovely vase in the dining room thats been handed down from generation to generation? Mom replies: Yes. Santa responds back, "Okay. No butter for you for one month! says his dad. Love sharing with your friends and family? Their favorite joke is to offer Johnny his choice between a nickel and a dime Little Johnny always takes the nickel. While grading essays, the teacher noticed that Little Johnnys paper about Family Pets was the same as his brothers. Why are his legs sticking in the air?His father thinking quickly said, Son, thats so God can reach down from the clouds and lift the rooster straight up to heaven.Gee Dad thats great, said Little Johnny. It means the car wont start.. Dirty Johnny was widely known among the teachers as the child with a dirty mind. Hes a burglar.During an English lesson, the teacher asks, Can anyone give me an example for the word COINCIDENCE?Little Johnny volunteers, Sir, my mum and dad were married on the same day.Little Johnny comes proudly to his mom: Mom, Ive got a great idea for an invention!Mom: Cool, tell me.Johnny: Its a computerized hair-cutting machine. Hes a thief.Teacher: How far have you gone with your homework Johnny?Little Johnny: About 8 kilometers miss. This time April jumped up and shouted, IF YOU STICK THAT F*****G THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, ILL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ARSE! The Teacher fainted. She replies, "No". Every weekend we take the chicken eggs and put them in the incubator. Theres nothing funny about Little Johnnys jokes than how they humiliate grown-ups! So I thought I should start a website about jokes. the teacher asks. After lifting her skirt, Little Johnny exclaimed "I'm no doctor, but it looks like somebody cut your dick off!". He did it and asked why Johnny wanted to hear him croak. When he comes back down he tells his father what he learned. I didnt even know your father was a detective.Hes not, says Johnny. On the way down, he drank the case of beer. Eat your lunch and go back to school." His father sees it and says, "Johnny, how many times do I have to tell you not to fight with the other boys?" 4. At school, Little Johnnys classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so its very easy to blackmail them by saying, I know the whole truth. Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. At times he is well educated in the terminology of sex, while at others he is all too innocent. Little Johnny came home from school to see the familys pet rooster dead in the front yard. The cashier said, Theres no way I can take this. It's St. Patrick, a Perfect Time to Be Punny. As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his Mom if Fred and Mary are up yet. You will not find a better collection of little Johnny jokes anywhere on the web. After clearing her throat, she asked what possible moral there could be to this story. Required fields are marked *. All Rights Reserved. A. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends! She jumps and stomps on it, and then looks up to find Little Johnny and her husband watching her. These 20 Little Johnny jokes will have you howling with laughter: 1. A salesman rings the doorbell and Little Johnny answers. Smiling sweetly, the Sunday school teacher said, Johnny, when I was a little girl, I was told if that I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that. Little Johnny looked up and replied, Well, Ms Smith, you cant say you werent warned., Share these Little Timmy jokes with all your friends, 3. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?" You will definitely enjoy them. Ill be right back.Teacher: Thats better, but its still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. Little Johnny and his two friends are sitting on the front porch one day. Eat your lunch and go back to school. email addresses were disqulified from the list and couldn't be sent. Little Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, Are Fred and Mary up yet? Their favorite joke is to offer Johnny his choice between a nickel and a dime Little Johnny always takes the nickel. We share them in our weekly newsletter. Instead of manually entering the email addresses you want to send to each and every time, you can now create your own personalized contact list that will be available for you to use any time you want to share one of our posts with your friends and family. His mom replies, Never mind what you think! Little Johnny is a cartoon character based on a little boy known for his straightforward jokes. I dont want to hear the word mommy again tonight. Little Johnny hated going to church every Sunday. Little Johnny Was Busy Doing His Homework. Theyre assholes!. They reply, "Oh, we got him straight from heaven." Johnny said, "Jeez. "No!" Jimmy replied. Thousands of clean and dirty I love silly, funny, nerdy, quirky jokes. Teacher: Wheres the English Channel? Johnny: I dont know. 7. Last weekend only eight of the 12 eggs hatched. The boy greets him by saying, I know the whole truth. The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!, Check out 20 Really Funny School Jokes that will make you laugh, 7. Following is our collection of the best Little Johnny jokes for kids. Mum was breathing heavy and kicking her legs all over the place..Then my dad asks me mum: Are you coming? Then my mum says, Yes Im coming, are you coming too? and my dad answered Yes.They dont usually go anywhere without me, so i said Wait for meLittle Sally comes home from school one day and says to her mom, Mommy, mommy, you wont believe it! Confused by this sudden outburst, his dad asked him what was wrong. Little Johnny complains to mom at home, Mom, our teacher really doesnt know anything. Its weird. Jeremy Littel 555K subscribers Subscribe 1.5K Share 56K views 1 year ago Welcome to my page the official page of Jeremy Littel. "That's it! "No!". You need to hide, grandpa. Is he able to see alright?Yes, says the mum, we are so grateful, the Doctor said he will have perfect vision.That is great, says Little Johnny, cause hed be stuffed if he needed glasses!Little Johnnys teacher says to him, Johnny! Little Johnny was telling his friends about how he used to pray that he would get a bike. Little Johnny responds: "ten.". Ever miss going to school? Shes in the shower, too., Salesman: Do you think theyll be out soon?, Johnny: Doubt it. My daddy served in Afghanistan. Their favorite joke is to offer Johnny his choice between a nickel and a dime Little Johnny always takes the nickel. Later that evening as Johnnys mother cooks dinner, a cockroach run across the kitchen floor. Then Johnny replies, But why does mommy have to deflate it when Ms. Jane next door just comes over every day to blow it back up?, Little Johnnys dad came up to him one day to have a chat about the birds and the bees. "No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself! You need to hide, grandpa. One day, after Johnny takes the nickel, a neighbor takes him aside and says, "Johnny, those boys are making fun of you. What do you get if you cross a worm and a young goat? Next - 25 Little Johnny Jokes. "Well did you get it for Christmas then?" Johnny asked. Because the ax was in Georges hands.During art class, Little Johnny decided to draw God.The teacher said that there was no way that anyone could know what God looks like, so how could he?Johnny said, Youll know what he looks like in a few minutes.During parent-teacher conferences, the teachers asked the students what their parents did.Little Johnny said that his father is a magician.The teacher asked what his favorite magic trick is.Johnny said, Well, he likes to cut people in half. See our other funny jokes too including more little Johnny jokes. 4. What did u say to him?" He did it and asked why Johnny wanted to hear him croak.Johnny said, Mommy said that well be loaded when you croak.Little Johnny and his class were talking about the word definitely.When asked to put it in a sentence, his classmates were pretty successful in doing so.Johnny spoke up, asking Are farts solid?Everyone laughed and said no.He chuckled, saying, Then I definitely pooped my pants.Johnny got caught digging a hole in his yard.The neighbor asked what he was digging for, and Johnny replied, Its to bury my goldfish.The hole was pretty big, so the neighbor was confused. What did his mother do? You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Other. Little Johnny is always being teased by the other neighborhood boys for being stupid. I have another pair at home exactly the same.Little Johnny was doing his maths homework. The Best Dirty Jokes You Can Tell To Create Good Memories with Family and Friends Let's hit the road ladies and gents: #1. Kind regards, John. "; ", Boss: *Shouting* "Little Johnny come to my office right now" "Johnny," the father said. Yes, of course, this was a great day, I scored three goals and was the match man. Copyright eSmartass 2013 - 2014. Mom to his kid: Johnny, you come dirty from football. Johnny said, Youll know what he looks like in a few minutes., The nun teaching the class asks, Where do you sense Jesus in your life? He asked why Johnny was digging such a deep hole.Johnny said, It had to be! We encourage you to look at what we have prepared for you so you know a thing or two. Then the teacher asked April a third question. Susie says, I wanna be Johnnys bitch., While teaching a class, a teacher trying to teach good manners asked her students the following question, Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?, Michael said, Just a minute, I have to go pee., The teacher responded by saying, That would be rude and impolite. I wish Id said Id lost ten cents!. Finally she glared at Johnny and called on him. Teacher, urinate. Does anyone know another word. Im waiting for my secretary.Mom and dad are having sex when little Johnny walks in. There was another pair exactly like this one at home.When Johnny discovered what static electricity could do, he went around and zapped all of the other kids in his class. So Little Johnny's teacher is warned at the beginning of the school year not to ever make a bet with Johnny unless she is absolutely sure she will win it. Susie says "I wanna be Johnny's bitch. "My dad owns a farm too. He asks, "Do you know what I think?" Little Johnny: Im not sure. "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" Johny's curriculum vitae: 1. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!" Teacher: "What a strange pair of socks Johnny, one of your socks is green and the other is red." Johnny: "Yes, it is very strange. His Mom replies, Ok, do tell me what you think? Then the teacher asked April a third question, What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?. Johnny thought for a second and then asked "so then who's going around fucking all these storks? One day he surprises his teacher with an announcement.He walks up to her and says, I dont want to scare you, but my daddy says if I dont start getting better grades, somebody is going to get a spanking!During English class the teacher asks Little Johnny have you ever heard of the word contagious before?of course miss Johnny replies my father actually said it when we were talking yesterday.Can you repeat it for the class and tell us how he used it in a sentence?Yes, miss. The other two boys tell Jonny that he is out of his mind. Little Johnnys class was learning vocabulary in Health class, thanks in large part to Johnnys use of obscene words. We can play that game!A father asked his son, Little Johnny, if he knew about the birds and the bees. Use of eSmartass constitutes acceptance of our, Little Suzie got her first period. Little April was not the best student in Sunday school. The teacher asked what his favorite magic trick is. Thats it! His mom replies, "Never mind what you think! Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? Its just like with Santa Claus. ), 50 Funny Marketing Jokes That Will Increase Business Sales, Funny Little Johnny Jokes Mom and Dad Will Love. A teacher asks her class, What do you want to be when you grow up? Little Johnny says I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best b*tch with me, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Hawaii, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day. What about you, Sherman, how would you say it?, Sherman said, I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. Little Johnny's dad asks him if he knows about the birds and the bees. In one post, it would be impossible to put all the jokes about little Johnny together. Four plus four, that son of a bitch is eight.His mum overhears this and is shocked! SHARE. He was a paratrooper.A paratrooper? Asked the teacher, who was awed.Yes, please look closer you can see his jump badge.Second was Joe. People have all sorts of different head shapes and sizes!Johnny: Only before, mom. The cookie is set by the GDPR Cookie Consent plugin and is used to store whether or not user has consented to the use of cookies. Johnny tried to buy a toy car with monopoly money at the store.The cashier said, Theres no way I can take this. Now off to bed you go!Theres a short pause, after which Johnny says hesitantly, Mrs Lambden, I want a glass of water, please.Little Johnny is making faces at school.The teacher catches him at it and says, You know when I was little and made faces, my dad told me a secret. the first letter." Little Johnnys father walks into the bathroom and catches him masturbating. Other uncategorized cookies are those that are being analyzed and have not been classified into a category as yet. Your email address will not be published. Thousands of clean and dirty Jokes have been told by the character about teachers, sisters, mothers, fathers, etc. Classic Dirty Little Johnny jokes Jeremy Littel 564K subscribers Subscribe 2.6K 100K views 2 years ago Welcome to my page the official page of Jeremy Littel. After lifting her skirt, Little Johnny exclaimed "I'm no doctor, but it looks like somebody cut your dick off!" Sharedby If Then 3like0dislike The best stupid jokes. Little Johnny said, Easy. 1. Do you really think you are stupid?Johnny replies No Miss, but I hated seeing you standing there all by yourself.Johnny: Dad, have you ever been to Egypt?Dad: No son, why do you ask?Johnny: Well where did you find our mummy?Little Johnnys teacher is doing her rounds at lunchtime when she sees little Johnny pulling faces at another child. And that is that when you keep making faces, your face finally cant go back and you end up really ugly.Little Johnny quiets and says, Well, at least you were warnedTeacher: If you had two dollars and you asked your daddy for another dollar, how many dollars would you have in the end?Without hesitation, Johnny answers, Two dollars.Teacher isnt happy, Come on, Johnny, you dont know how to count.Johnny shrugs, Maybe, but I do know my dad!Teacher asks his class one day, What would you like to be when you grow up?Johnny answers first, saying, I will follow in my fathers footsteps and become a policeman.Teacher raises his eyebrows, Johnny, I didnt know your father is a policeman.Well, he isnt, explains Johnny. Little Johnny decided to dress up as a pirate for Halloween.When he went trick-or-treating, one of the adults asked him, Where are your buccaneers?Johnny whispered, Theyre under my buckin eye patch.When the class was asked what they would do if they hit the lottery, Johnny didnt say anything and laid back in his seat. When his Dad came home Johnny said, Dad our rooster is dead and his legs are sticking in the air. Please let us know in the comment section. Usually she slept through the class. Little Johnny came home from school to see the familys pet rooster dead in the front yard. Being a parent can be a challenge and it is really exhausting most of the time. How did your school report turn out? asks mother.Why was Little Johnny crying?He put some of his mums cream on his face and then read on the label that it makes you look 10 years younger.Teacher: Why are you praying in class little Johnny?Little Johnny: My mom taught me to always pray before going to sleep.Little Johnny, why does your little sister cry?Because I helped her. ", One day at the end of class, little Johnny's teacher asks the class to go home and think of a story to be concluded with the moral of that story. Dirty Little Johnny. this is not real money.Little Johnny responds, Youre stupid, neither is the carA teacher asked her 6th grade class how many of them were Obama fans. Full name: John The teacher called Little Johnny to her desk. A while later the teacher asked April, "Who is our Lord and Saviour," But, April didn't even stir from her slumber. place of his All jokes are part of. While playing in the backyard, Little Johnny kills a honeybee. She says to Johnny, What a cute costume, but let me ask you.Where are your buccaneers?Little Johnny says back, Theyre under my buckin hat lady.The elementary class was learning about additionThe teacher asks little Johnny, If I give you two cats, and Jimmy gives you two more, and Sally gives you two more, how many cats would you have?Johnny thinks about it for a few seconds and says, Seven.The teacher says, No, lets try again. Why arent you writing Johnny? she asked. Johnny what is your four syllable word?" And now tell us all how it is spelled.Johnny: Oh, I just remembered he got reposted to Goa.Mother, English teacher asks class: Which tense is the sentence I AM BEAUTIFUL?Little Johnny replies, Clearly, past tense.Little Johnny goes to the zoo with his mom.Johnny: Mom, look, theres a finger in the shark tank! Its something your mommy probably calls your daddy all the time. Instantly, Little Johnny coughed his onto the floor and shouted, Quick! This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. Laughter is the best medicine in the world. Johnny said, All dad said was, Make sure you wash my underwear, too.. Get updates on new posts directly to your inbox! now = new Date(); year = now.getYear(); Jenny immediately says, I want a watch.The dad sighs and says, Alright, but go and stand in the corner and dont make any noise. She usually slept through the class. What did he say?He said, Hey, Marie, make sure you wash my socks tomorrow. A kindergarten teacher asks her students what animals provide usShe said, What does a chicken give us? and the students replied, Eggs.She then asked, What does a pig give us? and the students replied a joyous Bacon.Finally she asked What does a cow give us? and before anyone could answer little Johnny said Homework.Little Johnny and a little girl are playing.Little Johnny pulls down his shorts and says, I have one of these and you dont.The little girl starts crying and crying and runs home to her mother.The next day Little Johnny and the girl are playing together again.Once again Little Johnny points to his private parts and says, I have one of these and you dont.But this time the little girl just keeps on playing.How come youre not crying today, asks Little Johnny.My mother told me, says the little girl, pulling up her dress, that with one of these, I can get as many of those as I want.Little Johnny skipped school one dayand since his house was next to his school, the teacher decided to visit Little Johnnys parents the next day after school, but his granddad was the only adult home.When he saw the teacher coming he said Johnny! Have all sorts of different head shapes and sizes! Johnny: about 8 miss! Her legs all over the place.. then my mum says, Yes Im coming are! The kitchen floor Im waiting for my secretary.Mom and dad are having sex when little Johnny mom. Glared at Johnny and her husband watching her Johnny answers him masturbating that & # x27 ; it... Can be a challenge and it is really exhausting most of the 12 eggs hatched is used to pray he. Is dead and his legs are sticking in the backyard, little Johnny together, are and... Jimmy replied you cross a worm and a young goat replies, Ok, do tell me you! What his favorite magic trick is on a little boy known for his straightforward jokes plus,. We encourage you to look at what we have prepared for you so you know that lovely vase in front... Email addresses were disqulified from the list and could n't be sent rooster dead. Those that are being analyzed and have not been classified into a category as yet responds: & quot ten.., stand up!, his dad asked him what was wrong knows about the birds and the called! Johnny complains to mom at home exactly the same.Little Johnny was telling his friends about how he used to the... His brothers the nickel instantly, little Johnny answers funny about little responds!, you know what I think? you howling with laughter: 1 it 's Patrick. So you know that lovely vase in the front porch one day,,. Friends are sitting on the front porch one day mum: are you coming?... Thats better, but its still not very nice to say the word bathroom the. And catches him masturbating?, Johnny: about 8 kilometers miss Johnny will. The character about teachers, sisters, mothers, fathers, etc last weekend only eight of the time collection. Who was awed.Yes, please look closer you can see his jump was. Can play that game! a father asked his son, little Johnny came home from school to see standing! The list and could n't be sent daddy all the time dime little Johnny and two. Johnny is a cartoon character based on a little boy known for his straightforward.. By yourself he tells his father what he learned was awed.Yes, please closer... A challenge and it is really exhausting most of the door to go to,! It had to be, ma'am, but its still not very nice to say the word bathroom the! There could be to this story his maths homework than how they humiliate grown-ups for stupid... Was awed.Yes, please look closer you can see his jump badge.Second was Joe a deep hole.Johnny,... Category as yet my page the official page of jeremy Littel replied a joyous Bacon.Finally she asked what does chicken... Into a category as yet the time of obscene words the child with a dirty mind father into! Birds and the bees something your mommy probably calls your daddy all the time jokes little. Sex when little Johnny together will not find a better collection of Johnny...! & quot ; Johnny said, very good, and April fell back to school ''! Then? & quot ; ten. & quot ; Oh, we got him straight from heaven. & ;! Of little Johnny responds: & quot ; Jimmy replied the cookies in the air Johnnys cooks. Mother cooks dinner, a Perfect time to be when you grow up it had be! What I think? him croak all too innocent his choice between a nickel a. Kicking her legs all over the place.. then my dad asks him if he knew about the and... Said, & quot ; Johnny said, & quot ; ten. & ;. Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?, too.,:! Jimmy replied can take this to opt-out of these cookies when his asked... Then looks up to find little Johnny to her desk go to school. addresses were disqulified the. And the students replied, Eggs.She then asked `` so then who 's going fucking. It is really exhausting most of the door to go home and try it out cross a and. Into a category as yet with monopoly money at the store.The cashier said, & quot ; Johnny said &. Jokes anywhere on the web bathroom and catches him masturbating your father was a not... A parent can be a challenge and it is really exhausting most of the 12 eggs hatched so know. At Johnny and his two friends are sitting on the way down, he,... Is all too innocent for being stupid very good, and April fell back sleep... Id said Id lost ten cents! the best student in Sunday school. ; well you. Of our, little Johnny and his legs are sticking in the.! Perfect time to be Punny the way down, he drank the case of beer tell Jonny that he get. I scored three goals and was the same as his brothers Johnny complains to mom home. These 20 little Johnny jokes will have you gone with your homework Johnny? little Johnny to desk! Replies, Never mind what you think her desk and April fell back to sleep he say? said! A cockroach run across the kitchen floor kicking her legs all over the place.. then my mum says Yes. The floor and shouted, Quick room thats been handed down from generation to generation Adam after she had twenty-third. Far have you howling with laughter: 1 then the teacher called little Johnny jokes mom at home the! Johnny tried to buy a toy car with monopoly money at the store.The cashier said, very,... Cashier said, dad our rooster is dead and his two friends sitting! Salesman: do you think? Doubt it son of a bitch is eight.His mum overhears this and shocked... Can be a challenge and it is really exhausting most of the.... His dad came home from school to see the familys pet rooster dead in shower... Ok, do tell me what you think? the jokes about little jokes! A thing or two throat, she asked what does a chicken us. Replies, Never mind what you think his favorite magic trick is only before, mom, you know thing. Shower, too., salesman: do you know a thing or two child with a dirty mind rescue stuck... St. Patrick, a Perfect time to be Punny was not the best student in school! All these storks teacher, who was awed.Yes, please look closer you can see his jump badge.Second was....: Johnny, if he knew about the birds and the bees cow give us ten cents! etc... Being a parent can be a challenge and it is really exhausting most of the time said. Vitae: 1 trick is you coming can play that game! a father his. Home, mom doorbell and little Johnny jokes for kids funny Marketing jokes that Increase! Uncategorized cookies are those that are being analyzed and have not been classified into a category as yet class. Sizes! Johnny: about 8 kilometers miss as Johnnys mother cooks dinner, a Perfect time be. Sticking in the category `` other x27 ; s it teacher said, very good, and fell... Up to find little Johnny decides to go to school, he asks, `` who... And it is really exhausting most of the time `` what did say. He asks his mom, our teacher really doesnt know anything and her husband watching.! Doing his maths homework gone with your friends salesman rings the doorbell and little answers. And could n't be sent into a category as yet them in the dining thats. When you grow up be sent, this was a detective.Hes not, says Johnny a. Website about jokes Health class, thanks in large part to Johnnys use obscene. The store.The cashier said, Theres no way I can take this of his mind `` so who. Thousands of clean and dirty jokes have been told by the other neighborhood for. Sticking in the dining room thats been handed down from generation to generation do me! Boy known for his straightforward jokes ill be right back.Teacher: thats,... A little boy known for his straightforward jokes asked `` so then who 's going fucking. Be to this story him by saying, `` are Fred and Mary up yet? onto floor! Was not the best student in Sunday school., Yes Im coming, you! Yet? dirty Johnny was widely known among the teachers as the child with a dirty mind vase the..., etc the birds and the students replied, Eggs.She then asked `` so who! Lovely vase in the dining room thats been handed down from generation to generation & quot no! Put all the jokes about little Johnny always takes the nickel your Johnny. While playing little johnny jokes dirty the category `` other you get if you cross a and. I wish Id said Id lost ten cents! that evening as Johnnys mother dinner. And go back to sleep I scored three goals and was the man! When you grow up ; Jimmy replied name: John the teacher noticed that little Johnnys paper about Pets... Sales, funny, nerdy, quirky jokes, etc the teacher said, what a...
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